Gathering Thoughts on the Merits of Hard Work and School.

In the past I'll be the first to admit, I have been the proud owner of a pitiful work ethic whenever it has come to punch-in, punch-out fixed income gigs. I'm talking, a work ethic, or lack thereof, that would make a  tool-breakin', illness-feignin' son of kunta kinte proud. I was never able to see the value of exerting maximum (or even moderate) effort at a job that was nine times out of ten, temporary, or seasonal or had a set end point, at which point I would resume whatever else I had going on in the occupational foreground (typically this was school). Let me hip you to a brief glimpse of my early work history, and some job description/details that you won't see on the old resume.


My first independent contractor job: Caddy, upscale country club. 1996/1997ish. I just remember walking a "loop", 4+ hours for which I was compensated $20 and was forced to endure the brutally racist undertones/history that would have made Bagger Vance cringe. One loop, and I was done.


My first paycheck job: Glorified office monkey, the summer of 1997 after my freshman year of high school (age 15). My grandfather's old friend at the public works commission hooked me up with this job. I made a whopping $5.25 an hour. While the people were friendly, they were much older. Besides, I was young, so I remember being terribly bored out of my mind especially since I was away from the "action."  When I wasn't clockwatching on my way to $100 paychecks each week (which was actually nothing to sneeze at for me at the time), I actually devised a way to make myself pass out in those standard office chairs with the pneumatic height adjustments. I have never been able to do it consistently since, but essentially I remember I would do a seated dip, and hunch my head/neck so my arterry was compressed against on of those clavicle type bones and voila. Instant entertainment, and potential brain damage. In retrospect this wasn't the best way to kill time as it could have killed me, but it helped pass the time.


Second job: Bagger/courtesy clerk, fall of 1997-spring 2008 (age 15-16). Though I thought I made decent money, $8.00/hr + time and a half on Sundays and holidays, for the time, I always did just enough to get by and collect a check. Wasn't rocket science and only required a few hours of my time after school. Still can't ever recall wanting to go in.


Third Job : Retail Clerk, discount department clothing store. Folded and hung clothes. All day. every day. Didn't last more than 4-5 months.


Fourth Job: Movie Theater Usher, summer 2000: When I wasn't getting paid to watch movies, eating unhealthy amounts of "damaged" concessions, and skimming off the top of the charity cup that was passed around (Imma make a charitable contribution to the same foundation one day to make up for the shitty karma) I guess I found time to do some work


fifth Job: Office monkey part deux for the local transit authority. Luckily I worked for a real cool boss and his son was my co-worker. He let us install old nintendo games on an emulator on our office PC's. Zelda (the original was pretty much the extent of my workday).


This list takes me  through my freshman year of USC. Though I'm stopping here to get the meat of the post, you probably see my point. If I were i n HR, I would have never hired me. Fast forward 12 years or so to fall of 2011. Back is against the wall and eviction is being threatened. In the clutch, I landed an interview making a whopping $7.30 an hour at the local grocery store (Kroger, which keep in mind is paying me less than I made 15 years ago, half a lifetime ago). Got the job, and while I put forth some effort, it wasn't exactly what I had promised when I interviewed.


As the inventory specialist it was my job to direct customers to their desired items throughout a massive renovation and remodel. This allowed me the freedom and flexibility to do as I pleased without being micromanaged. This included doing everything from going on smoke breaks as I saw fit, going to Starbucks when I saw fit, walking aimlessly up and down the aisles thinking about what I was gonna buy for dinner as I saw fit, ogling fine customers as I saw fit, and generally ducking mgmt., and anyone else who looked like they could ask me to do something as I saw fit.


I kept my social distance from my co-workers, and while friendly, I'll admit their was some very presumptive and uncharacteristic arrogance probably stemming from externalized frustrations on my part. I figured I was somewhat unique in that I felt like I was working there because I wanted to be, while everyone else had limited options. i didn't want to get brought down by these menial wage earners, so I consciously avoided certain interactions, and wouldn't even set foot in the store on my day off. I can't lie though, they got to me and grew on me. Everyone has a story, and damn near all of my co-workers are ridiculously friendly, polite, and helpful in terms of extending themselves on and off the clock. Even the customers are cool and polite, and I developed relationships with the regulars, to the point where like them, they made choices to spend at Kroger, while they could have gotten better deals financially at a Walmart let's' say. They come back for the relationships. While I believe my time is worth more than $7.35 an hour, Kroger represented stability, financial, social, and otherwise, during a period of great turbulence. I appreciate the investment they made in me, and the chance they gave me, so I decided to actually put forth some effort to reciprocate.


Miraculously, an urgency was created when they cut my hours recently and my "ask me" inventory job was soon to expire. Faced with a decision I talked to all of the decision makers in person about taking more initiative and seeking advancement. I wrote all mgrs. a letter with my resume attached, basically letting it be known that I was hungry and humble and hard-working. Low and behold, they looked out, and gave me 40 hours the next week, albeit on the cleaning crew (if you've never detailed a 78,000 sq. ft. store, with an OCD attention-to-detail having micromanager on your back, I suggest trying it). The next week I was appointed to my current position where I got a extra nickel an hour for a raise, and now that's it's almost been eight months, my PT benefits are about to kick in. I really stepped my effort up and am now friendly with store mgmt, and even a few district execs. Besides, by not pulling my weight, I was doing a disservice to everyone else, my friends/co-workers by making them have to work that much harder to pick up my slack. Hard work. There is no substitute, and it speaks volumes to the character of those who exert themselves everyday. If you're not working hard, you're not working smart. Besides, sometimes, it's not about what you earn, but what you learn.


However, I understand that my ultimate goals are not served nor my strengths served by working at a grocery store. Sad to say, but for the sake of collectingmy thoughts, I have done my best to recreate a cost/benefit analysis that I can refer to, that will motivate me to create and pursue other options ASAP, despite some admittedly strong emotional ties to the store.


Pros of Working at Kroger
1) friends, social network, belonging, identity, almost second home, kick-it/hang out spot
2) stability
3) financial stability
4) blog material
5) huge spike in once atrophied social skills/sociability given the nature of my job
6) gave me a chance to cultivate discipline and practice going hard whereever, increase in work ethic
7) assortment of client-base and co-workers, hugely diverse range across a number of criteria


Cons of Working at Kroger
1) could be doing something else, more far more aligned with my interests and abilities for 25+ hrs a week
2) grossly undercompensated (could make more begging for change)
3) doing disservice to co-workers since i'm always partially preoccupied with things I have to do outside of work. also to mgmt, by having one foot out the door, they could be in tough position to have to retrain someone at my new post.


Pros of not Working at Kroger
1) free to lessen disconnect between goals and actions
2) start developing "SeeFergWrite" writing services program
3) just being grateful for having job for the "time being" can turn into "time passing" (8 months and counting)
4) free up time to create own schedule.


Cons of not working at Kroger
1) no constant contact with friends
2) must create own stability and support
3) find new blog material
4) create own structure


I forgot how exactly to weigh the criteria for the final analysis, something about a four square arrangement, but due to formatting constrictions, I can eyeball this  list and see that the Pros can all be covered by myself regardless of how I go about earning income. Just because I'm not working at the store for 20-30 hrs a week, doesn't mean the relationships would disappear. And if they did, were they really worth much in the first place? Can take those positives from Kroger and pay it forward and invest in myself.


Ideally there should be a minimal/non-existent disconnect b/w who you are at your core and what you do. I've seen such seamless entrepreneurship in action at my first job out of college. It works beautifully, and while I can't think of a viable/feasible way go from A to C, from Kroger to doing something "black and bipolar" related full time, or at least if I can, I can't think of a good way to tweak it and make that transition, I have to look at an intermediate step, which is ok for my purposes, as long as it gets me one step closer to my goal.


SeeFergWrite / Academic and Employment Writing Services is in the making. I can build clientele with the existing co-workers who are students in high school and college as well as at the local CC. .. To be continued as it comes to me.


On goal orientation and execution:


eliminate proxies and get as directly to the end goal as quickly, swiftly as possible. For example, the Master's/Ph.D. in Black Studies  was only a proxy through which I could explore issues that mattered to me. Look at the extraneous steps and procedures as listed below that I would have had to complete just to get to explore my interests via the dissertation and beyond.


The structure, shelter, and security of school is something I once needed to an extent and feared going without. However, as my life coach/guru/friend pointed out you're going to have to graduate and be without that shelter at some point, so if you don't think it's for you, why pretend like it even might be. To resume would add undue pressure to finish under normative time "deadlines" which would realistically be another five years in. During this time, I'd have to worry about the ridiculous reading load/writing output, and financial issues around funding and debt. Then an only then could I be considered for the doctorate, which is a process in and of itself. To be approved (read: ran through a number of hoops by  sadistic superiors in some intellectual hazing ritual of the most twisted order) requires passion, patience, perseverance, and stress tolerance that I don't care to test. In short, this long, circuitous route does not suit my needs or interest in efficiency temporally or financially or in terms of reach/impact. The overly specialized esoterica that is often required, has little practical value for my intents and purposes. 


Publish or perish? Well there is this orange "publish" button on my screen that I'm about to click, pretty much bypassing the dying dinosaur that is the print industry. Guttenberg, we thank ye, but times they have a changed and while you can resist it all you wish, you can't stop progress. How much longer will brick and mortar degrees, not matter how advanced, hold their weight given the meteoric rise of free online education from world-class schools, who offer a the same content just without the same nominal conferment. Other independent sites like khanacamedy.com and iTunes U, for example, pose similar threats to a dated, educational model by democratizing the process. While I truly admire the drive of those whom it suits, as my dear friend reminded me during a particularly poignant conversation during a discussion of my pending and dreaded oral exam, "If they want you to hop on one foot and recite shakespeare backwards, and that's not who you are, what you do, what you are about, or what you see value in, then ... deuces."