Yes, I'm ready.

Recently I've been wondering if I haven't found someone to date because I still have feelings for her or if I still have feelings for her because I haven't found someone to date.

If the past decade is any indication, I'll always have feelings for her in some capacity as she is the quintessential, "one that got away." At the same time, despite the tone of the recent "I miss her..." post, though still present, the nostalgia has transformed from a beautiful sadness to far more of an acceptance. 

I've heard about something called eternal mourning as practiced by women in rural India after their husbands pass. Instead of remarrying they wear black everyday in memory of their deceased. Also, there is semi-confirmed legend of Joe Dimaggio, who sent flowers to Marilyn Monroe's grave every year until he died. Part of me thinks there is something honorable and romantic about notions of static and perpetual mourning. 

If love is in the cards for me, I'm almost certain it'll be a process as opposed to a head-over-heels type of deal. I feel as ready as I've been in years to entertain the prospect, but speaking of the matter, there is that tricky part of finding someone. After creating and deleting an okcupid account for the last time, I've decided that I'm a bit too old school for the online scene. The women I received messages from weren't my type physically or otherwise (despite the site's matching algorithm) , and left much to be desired. 

Then there's the old adage, "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new." Though I'm not knocking those who have casual sex, it's never been my cup of tea. Besides, at this point, after doing me (literally and figuratively) for so long, full-blown intercourse may be a tad much for the senses right now. Perhaps I forgot how bomb meaningful sex can be with its innumerable benefits, but I was reminded at work recently when a cute co-worker of mine (perhaps inadvertently) grabbed my hand. I got a rush off it, and if that's all it takes to tingle the senses, something tells me continuing to abstain may be the best course of action.

Then again, in the heat of the moment, with years of pent up energy within, the hormones could have their own plans. I've been spending a lot of time recently thinking when it'll happen again for me and with whom. As Barbara Mason belted out so magnificently and magically, "yes, I'm ready."